New ways or old ways?

I had a great talk to my mother over the christmas break.  It was one of those rare occasions when it was just us.  I had left my darling daughter at home with hubby.  Both were happy as they had their devices again after a week of no technology camping.

I was talking to mum about how I am reading this book: Setting limits with your strong willed child Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition: Eliminating Conflict by Establishing CLEAR, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries By Robert J Mackenzie. 

I was finding it very useful in guiding my Daughter.  It seems we have a mismatch in learning styles, she is an aggressive researcher and I am a compliant learner.   She will push all boundaries to make sure you mean exactly what you say each and every time.  I would just do it because you asked me too.

So I have to make sure I am really clear in all my communications with her,  I have to lay out the requests fully including exactly what I expect to be done, by when and sometimes even how.  I have to let her know exactly what will happen if my request is not complied with and I have to follow through consistently and in a timely manner. – it just sounds so exhausting.

Mum said it sounds very old fashioned parenting, before the 60’s came along and changed the way parents were to interact with their children.   I have been giving it a go and it’s working really well.  I don’t want to jinx it, but as long as I am consistent and don’t lax off I think we will do very well indeed.

The right questions and some headspace

I would like to say that I had a very productive holiday break and read all the books on my list.  However I didn’t.  Instead I made lots of great family memories doing great activities.  It’s back to work now and my book club at work prompted me to complete one of the books on my list.

QBQ! The Question Behind the Question: Practicing Personal Accountability in Work and in Life By John G Miller – Get it here http://amzn.to/2D8nkEV

The main takeaway I got was when your brain starts commenting after or during a situation or trigger, you need to take control and start asking better questions.  The better questions or as the book calls them QBQ’s have the following guidelines to make them successful.

1. Begin with what or how not why, when or who (no more victim mentality thinking, complaining procrastinating or blaming )

2. Contain an I not a they, we or you  (we can only change ourselves)

3. Focus on action.  ( add verbs such as do, make, achieve, build and extra words like can, will, now, today to create an excellent question.)

For example “How can I let go of what I can’t control?” or “What can I do to make a difference?” By Asking the right questions you will get better answers and be able to take personal accountability for your choices and actions for you always have a choice even if you do nothing.  I got to practice on day 1 back at work.   I’m not sure it helped exactly – not really sure I asked the right question – possibly because my care factor wasn’t there in that particular situation.

What did help was the headspace meditation I have been doing since the end of December.  I took advantage of the 40% off year of headspace and am loving it.  Get it here

I have found that even doing it 10 minutes every day has made me a lot calmer, which has got to be better for everyone.  Can’t wait to see how this develops going forward this year.

Hope you found a new habit or tweak that is making your life better this year.