Know what you end game is and focus on that. For me it’s about honesty, empathy, being independent, a good friend, conscientious, responsible, caring and considerate, makes informed choices and decisions, happy, capable, and confident, has options, wellness in health and financial acumen, knows how to run a house, how to cook and make good food choices, social skills and a career path.
When you write it all out like that it seems a lot, and I guess seriously am I even able to do all of these things? I want as most parents do so much for my child. Ultimately I need to be on her team, I need to be clear and I need to let her have control of her life not have her live her life for me. This is her path and whatever way that takes is ok.
Some useful words in conflict times.
– convince me – try to say yes and be clear about your concerns and advice consequences in advance.
– Use training for one time events and use when / then first. Consequences are only for repeated behaviours.
– Mind, body, soul time. Calm voice, be open and honest, encourage and use positive communication.
– Invite cooperation. – I have this big job (y) anything you can do to help (do x) would be great.
– I hear ya, it’s such a drag, I used to hate that too. When you do that it really helps us out.
– Ask her what her plan is?
– Check in what else is going on ? Is there anything that I can do to help?
– Have a non verbal signal and bring it up and role play together later.
– Do the unexpected – change your energy, smile, be fun, be vibrant, be there, available.
– sweetie I’m sure you didn’t mean for it to sound that way, how about we do a redo. If no redo refuse to participate.
– you have put so much thought into this. I appreciate you taking my concerns into account. this is just one area I don’t feel it’s a good decision for you right now.
Stand in your values, have clear boundaries, change the environment instead of trying to manage the child. Keep your communication channels open and flowing. Listen and DON’T REACT.
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