Trying for A minimalist wardrobe

I really enjoy the simplicity of minimalism. The way everything has a place, that things are not crowded. That my things serve me and I don’t serve them (in storage cost, cleaning costs etc)

Therefore the last part of my life to fit that same mindset is my wardrobe. I am not very into fashion, I like my clothes to look good on me and feel good on me. Therefore I should be able to find a way to make a capsule of minimalist wardrobe.

I started with searching Pinterest, looking for ideas for the season.

What would my spring / summer wardrobe look like.

What would my winter wardrobe look like

What would autumn look like.

What type of activities do I do that I need specific clothes for. E.g exercise, work, social events, around the house, etc.

What is my colour palette – what colours suit me and that I like, what ones will go together. ( here I struggled as I love the blues and greys, and reds and pinks and whites and blacks and then I also like the earth colours, the deep greens and browns)

Then I tried to work out exactly what I needed.

This all sounds great. But I couldn’t make it work. I even downloaded an app where you can put all your clothes in your wardrobe on it, and it will help you with coming up with ideas on what to wear and you can schedule it in.

My problem is I get bored wearing the same type of clothes. I like getting new clothes and wearing them. So I have accepted that about myself. Each season I like to get about 6 new items and change out old items for them and therefore keep roughly the same amount of clothes (based on my wardrobe size, this is probably still too many clothes as it feels a little cramped)

I think this along with stationery and books is my weak spots, the parts of my life where I like a few more things than I truely need. I like having about 6 different social outfits, 6 -8 different work outfits, I like various tops and a few bottoms to go with them. I love dresses. I am getting to the point where it feels like I have my accessories sorted and my shoes are almost there. But the rest, well I think I just have to accept that I like a wider choice in clothes that I really need and be ok with that.

The quality of life depends on the quality of your personal communication.

While listening to Tony Robbins book – unlimited power. I have captured the following insights for myself.

The quality of my life is the quality of my personal communication with myself and with others.

its what you do with wWhat happens in your life that makes the difference in the quality of your life.

For my life to change, I must change, If I want things to be better, I need to be better.

My thinking is the key to change.

People who succeed know things and use their personal power.

– they have the ability to take action.

– The knowledge that they will always achieve a result

Always act from personal power (outcome based thinking and a growth mindset )

– I create my world.

– I am always stretching.

– I am committed to unconscious competence. I don’t have to understand it all

– the meaning of conversations is the response you get

– I a, committed to do whatever it takes.

Use your energy, skill and turn your fear into power.

With skill specifically define what you want. Define what others want and fill their need quickly (NLP)

Model or duplicate belief systems of people who are successful

Duplicate persons mental syntax. E.g change order and sequence to change the meaning and change the way you use your brain and senses.

Duplicate their posture, breathing, facial expressions.

Think about the following with what you do.

• Passion (why)
• Beliefs
• Strategy (organise to achieve things)
• Values
• Energy level
• Bonding power (connectedness.)
• Communication skills.

this is a short book but also very inspirational as always with Tony Robbins.

ADHD strategies and tips

My daughter has ADHD, in fact, she is ADHD combined, meaning she has ADD and ADHD.

She has / is

• both the impulsivity and also the lack of motivation,
• trouble focusing, keeping focus is hard.
• loses things, can’t keep track of what day it is,
• time management is a struggle.
• ADHD affects how she can pay attend to things.
• difficultly focusing and going to sleep.
• huge expressions of emotions, going from 0 to 100 in a blink of an eye.
• Trouble with self control and managing emotions
• very passionate about topics. (black and white) .
• very imaginative and creative.
• Very confident
• trouble taking in what is going on around her and the impact to others
• trouble with empathy and sharing in a social conversation.
• Blurts things out without thinking or filtering her thoughts.
• some sensory issues. (especially around sound and light.)
• Trouble with transitions and change, especially to traditions or habits she likes.

The following are my notes and tips from the books and videos I have worked through in understanding what it means to parent and support my ADHD daughter.

Strategies.

• Become aware of what she is like when dopamine is high and when it is low.
• Bring in self care strategies as this gives dopamine which gives motivation. – Book in Self care time. Include the following:
  • Numbing time to let emotions calm down (as needed)
  • Basic selfcare, doing things that energise her (15mins daily)
  • Deep selfcare, for example going away, completing a project or learning something new. (once a month)
• When she doesn’t have the energy for some reason can find out why by doing a STRESS analysis.
  • S – Steps – don’t know next steps.
  • T – Thinking – Negative thinking patterns
  • R – Research – is there something you don’t know.
  • E – Emotional – trauma or negative emotions tied to this activity.
  • S – Sensory – overdeveloped senses, smell, sound, light.
  • S – Self care – Have you had enough sleep, food, exercise.
• 2 part breakdown when she is procrastinating.
  • Step 1 – set a timer for 10-15mins and do something fun.
  • Step 2 – when timer goes off, set for 5 mins and do the work. When time up, if ok continue working or repeat Step 1
• Do movement while she is learning.
• Use structure – keep the routines and structure to help her with transitions.
• Look at the environment and change to support learning.
  • Encourage a focusing cue – e.g special place, headphones, music, time of day. )
  • Create a ritual / habit for doing her work. – set up space, have music on, timer set, snacks nearby, fidget toys etc.
  • put her hard tasks in the middle of the day when she is likely most resilient.
• Make the learning real to her. Have conversations about it, apply it in the real world. Mindmap it out to give context.
• Have a braindump book – to note down all the distracting thoughts so you can stay focused on the task at hand.
• Practice meditation – it creates the ability to pull her mind back to her breathe, to control her mind and not have it control her. It also builds cortical tissue in the brain.

Tips

• Encourage her interests and celebrate her strengths to build her self esteem.
• Work as a team with her teachers and doctor etc.
• Make structure a priority so she knows what is next and what is expected.
• Be really clear with your explanation of rules and expectations. Don’t leave room for ambiguity. – be specific.
• Be a role model.
• Give positive feedback and catch her doing good.
• Talk time out for yourself as the parent so you have the patience and tolerance.
• Use relaxation techniques.
• Pick your battles.
• Be flexible.
• Use time management strategies to manage distractions.

Journaling. – improving my process.

I have been journaling or writing in a diary for a lot of my life. I started the process in school, yet that was just a way of creating topics for stories in English, for writing things down and letting them out. It wasn’t done or advised to be done in any specific way. It wasn’t until I recently shared my diary entry with a coach that I understood that there is a process to journaling.

Here are some of the steps I have gathered to help me in my journaling.

• Link feelings to events.
• Be the narrator with the power to observe
• Be detailed and get to your truth in the experience.
• Reach for revelation (look for what you learned about yourself, what matters, what doesn’t, what you know now, when did your knowing change)
• Find the meaning in the traumatic memory. There has to be growth or change in how you view the experiences.

watch your words. – Be forgiving and translate your have to’s into I choose to because I value…….

Some prompts:

• One thing I can do right now that would support me is…..
• An uncomfortable feeling I had recently that I can now see was not mine was…..
• One behaviour in myself that I’d like to release is…..
• Is there a thought that doesn’t lift and support you, replace it with a new thought into your awareness and watch the ripple effect it creates
• Even though it’s really hard, I’m really glad I pushed through my resistance and followed my impulse to grow and be better…….
• It’s safe for me to accept things just as they are because… (note and name the part of you that doesn’t feel safe)

Observe – without judging.

Intent – acknowledge your intent and why

Attention – where do I put my attention

Feelings and needs – To express yourself and recognise in others. Where do my feelings arise from?

Notice how your strengths / values help.

– list 5-10 values that helped me in times of difficulty

– list 5-10 values that helped me be successful

– Circle the ones that helped me feel satisfied

Rewrite into sentences

I value ……………. So I will …………(action) to ……………(time) doing……………each day

These have helped me be a bit more intentional about my journal writing, to think about how I can really gain insight from my writings instead of just using it as a venting process.

The most valuable one for me was the gratitude writing.

• Add a daily event title.
• Write down details of who, and how things happened, what did you or anyone else do and say
• Write down how you felt at the time and how you feel right now.
• Explain how it came to be – what was the cause, write this from a grateful frame of mind
• Write down details of who has built you up, encourage and loved you.
• Identify the personal strength you used and the external resources that made it possible.

This is what life is like.

Be Open, flexible and creative, put your ego aside.

Ride the waves and be in the here and now. (Breathe and observe)

Remove your unhelpful behaviours and beliefs.

– observe.

– list the pros and cons

– create a new plan.

Your self worth does not need to be validated by anyone.

Change your negative self talk with “and I get too…… or at least ……”

One Strategy

List 5 things I see

4 things I feel

3 things I hear

2 things I smell

1 good thing about me.

Creating a distress plan.

Acknowledge reality – “This is what life is like – it will be ok”

Create a list of activities the calm you. Eg.

• Connect with God
• Breathe (heartmath)
• Move ( walk, go to nature, yoga)
• Smell (essential oils)
• See – colour or do a puzzle
• Touch – crystals
• Tidy – create peace / small success wins
• Hear – Music
• Talk – be your compassionate parent and with your friends.
• Read – change perspective / focus

When down – choose activities to lift me.

When anxious – choose activities to relax me.

When angry – choose activities to calm me.

Direct your thoughts to more helpful ones.

• Imagery – image yourself strong
• Meaning – list your whys for working on an issue
• Prayer – daily
• Relaxation – daily and breathe
• One thing, or moment at a time – slow down and pick one.
• Vacation – take a break, plan it, even just a walk
• Encouragement – repeat a mantra e.g “I am safe, I am strong, I am loved, I belong – this to shall pass. “

Self mastery – breathing activities.

Module two in my self mastery activities is all about breathing. I have recently purchased the heartmath device and find it very beneficial in calming me down. Now to implement it as a habit for I believe the benefits will be exponential.