Navigating Conflit – understanding types and growing through reflection.

Conflicts are an inevitable part of any relationship, whether personal or professional. However, how we approach and handle conflicts can make all the difference in strengthening or straining our connections.

Recognizing the type of conflict you’re facing is crucial for addressing it effectively. By correctly identifying the type of conflict, you can tailor your response and employ the appropriate conflict resolution techniques. This understanding not only helps resolve the immediate issue but also prevents future misunderstandings and escalations.

Once a conflict has been addressed, it’s essential to reflect on the experience to facilitate personal and relational growth. Asking yourself thoughtful questions can provide valuable insights and help you develop better conflict management skills. In an ideal world you would want to do this reflection with the other person.

Consider the following additional reflective questions:

• What triggered the conflict? Understanding the root cause can help prevent similar situations in the future.
• What emotions did I experience during the conflict? Recognizing your emotional responses can improve your self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
• How did I contribute to the situation? Acknowledging your role can promote accountability and prevent blame-shifting.
• What communication strategies worked or didn’t work? This can inform your approach to future conflicts.

By engaging in this reflective process, you not only gain a deeper understanding of yourself and the other person but also develop skills to navigate future conflicts more effectively. It’s an opportunity to turn conflicts into catalysts for positive change and strengthened connections.

Conflicts are inevitable, but how we approach them can make all the difference. By understanding the types of conflicts and engaging in thoughtful reflection after a conflict, we can foster growth, build stronger relationships, and develop effective conflict resolution skills. Embrace conflicts as opportunities for learning and personal development, and watch your relationships flourish.

Team types

It has been bothering me for a while now, having been in various different types of teams. Everyone one of which was called a team and was coerced into trying to fit the standard scrum team mould.

I believe not every group of people is a team. That each group requires different considerations. I got a bit lost in the depth of analysis on my initial deep dive into this topic. My recent reading of the Team Topoligies book got me thinking that maybe I can make it simpler.

This is my Team types of which people can belong to multiple options.

Types of teams.

For example, while employed as an agile coach I was in the co workers group for the company. I was in the community of practice for the Agile Coaches, I was in a complicated sub system (Dynamic working) group for the work I was doing around Jira and I was supporting various stream aligned teams as a enabling team of Agile coaches.

In each of these I needed different things from the team in order to excel. Some I was very collaborative like the complicated sub system and the community of practice. In the enabling team I was facilitating, coaching and mentoring. In the co workers group, I was very much an individual.

I used to feel that each group would then have different needs from management. However lately I have been thinking that they need a continuum of the same things. Some need more and some need less depending on their stage towards high performance as illustrated in the below diagrams.

What a team needs

Teams pathway to high performance based on Tuckmans model.

This feels more complete for me now, I feel it also helps to define your teams structure to work out where your team might need more and options to support that either as a team member yourself of as the leadership supporting that team.

A checklist for coaching remote teams.

Work through this checklist to ensure you are creating the best environment to support you and your remote teams.

• Ensure All team members have access to correct tools and equipment.
• Document your Team norms / etiquette
• Define your working hours / understand when to have certain types of interactions (e.g social hour / deep work time)
• Communicate and have Clear goals – transparency of expectations or work.
• Utilise Buddies to check in and bounce ideas off. The three amigos.
• Brainstorm creative ways to get feedback – transparency and engagement with customer.
• Define your process for high priority work and escalations.
• Visibility of challenges/ risks/ impediments/ dependencies.
• Build on team culture – Assuming positive intent.
• Allow time for deep dives.
• Be proactive in managing problems and requests – Don’t wait for people to ask/ complain.
• Lower the bar to entry for customer engagement.
• Establish a process for document sharing and file storage.
• Listen more as don’t have the non verbal cues.
• Pace yourself and take breaks.
• Work out a way to separate work from home.
• Keep in mind velocity and cycle time will change.
• Allow for water cooler chats.
• Consider timezones.

The First Step is Safety: The Power of Staying Calm

In a world filled with chaos and uncertainties, the adage “keep calm and carry on” has become more than just a catchy slogan. It’s a mantra for maintaining composure in the face of adversity. However, have you ever considered that this simple phrase holds a deeper meaning, especially in the context of psychological safety? In this blog post, we will explore the profound connection between staying calm and ensuring psychological safety, offering insights and examples that shed new light on this age-old wisdom.

1. The Power of Calmness:

At the core of creating a safe and supportive environment, whether in personal or professional settings, lies the ability to stay calm. It’s the first step toward building trust, fostering open communication, and nurturing psychological safety.

• Staying Calm Personally: When you remain composed, even in challenging situations, you set an example for those around you. Your calm demeanor can be contagious, reassuring others that they are in a safe space. Example: Imagine you’re leading a high-stress project meeting, and tensions are running high. By staying calm and collected, you model emotional resilience for your team, encouraging them to express their concerns without fear of judgment.
• Helping Others Stay Calm: As a facilitator and trainer, you have the unique opportunity to guide others in maintaining their composure. This is especially important when addressing sensitive topics or during conflict resolution. Example: During a diversity and inclusion training session, a participant becomes emotional while discussing their experiences with discrimination. Your ability to stay calm and empathetic allows the individual to feel supported, fostering an atmosphere of psychological safety and acceptance for everyone.
• Techniques: To support with staying calm, you can employ various techniques such as stopping and pausing to collect your thoughts, grounding yourself in the present moment to stay focused, practicing mindful breathing for relaxation, and consciously choosing a positive and curious mindset to manage stress effectively.

2. Psychological Safety:

Psychological safety is the belief that one can express their thoughts, ideas, and concerns without fear of negative consequences. It’s the foundation for effective communication, innovation, and collaboration within teams and organizations.

• The Role of Calmness in Psychological Safety: Staying calm is the linchpin of psychological safety. When individuals feel that those around them are composed and nonjudgmental, they are more likely to share their authentic thoughts and feelings. Example: In a workplace where leaders react explosively to mistakes, employees may hesitate to report errors. Conversely, in a calm and supportive environment, employees are more likely to admit their mistakes, leading to a culture of continuous improvement.

3. “Keep Calm and Carry On” Revisited:

The famous “keep calm and carry on” posters, originally designed during World War II, take on new significance when viewed through the lens of psychological safety. They remind us that maintaining our composure is not just about personal resilience; it’s about creating an atmosphere where others can thrive.

• Application in Training and Facilitation: As an experienced facilitator and trainer, you can incorporate this insight into your sessions. Encourage participants to embrace the idea that staying calm is not just an individual trait but a collective responsibility. Example: In a conflict resolution workshop, discuss the importance of staying calm and composed when addressing conflicts within teams. Use the poster as a visual reminder of this principle.

The first step toward ensuring safety, both psychological and emotional, is the ability to stay calm. It’s a simple yet profound concept that can transform the way we interact with others, both personally and professionally. You have the power to cultivate this environment of calmness and psychological safety, fostering growth, innovation, and resilience within your teams. So, remember, when in doubt, “keep calm and carry on” – not just for yourself, but for the well-being of those around you.

Focus on what your paid for and the value you deliver.

How often are you doing what you like in your job as opposed to what you were hired to do or adds the most value?  
I Love this little quadrant to keep in mind what I am actually on the hook for and incorporate / focus my learning.

Another option.

Awareness of self activities

I am creating a training programme for new coaches. In addition to the basics like, mindset, fundamentals, scrum, Kanban, tools, etc. I am adding a Self mastery theme through out. Here is the first module activities. The last activity has reference to some activities from positive psychology.

Conflict and needs Team activity

What are your feelings when you have a conflict situation with someone?

What is the need behind the feeling?

How would you like this need to be met?

Leadership skills.

Leadership is an influence process, working with people to accomplish their goals and the organisations goals.

Positive leadership traits are.

• Good people connections
• Clear vision
• Ability to develop connections with check in and monitor.
• Support and develop individuals to utilise their strengths.
• Create casual catchups
• Be crave
• Inspires team to create vision and communicate how that relates to each team member.
• Create a great culture
• Celebrate success.

With your check ins you want to adapt these as required for each team member based on their tasks. Consider if this is a new task for them, where are they on the learning journey, where in their competency level. How committed and enthusiastic are they?

Situational leadership is a mix of directional (task and supervisor) / management ‘ sociology emotional support / development level that improves the team.

A good tool to check out is Gilberts 6 windows as illustrated here.

1. Information cause. This is the enthusiastic beginner stage, Telling. Define standards, go step by step, monitor results and have short review timeframes. Understand what does a good job look like. Get a clear goal and when it needs to be done by.
2. Instrumental cause. Disillusioned learner. – selling . Provide standards, support and praise to build confidence, coach and involve in decision making. Help them answer if they are on the right track and why it’s important.
3. Capacity cause. Capable but cautious performer. Participating. Support with feedback and positive reinforcement. Praise, listen and facilitate. Build trust you have their back. Listen to their ideas and remind them of what they do well.
4. Motives cause. Self reliant achiever / delegating. Communicate objective and allow them the responsibility. Checkin and provide positive reinforcement. Allow them the freedom to innovate and to come up with new ideas and choose their work.

When implementing change think about the positive reinforcement and negative consequences to action. Ensure you observe and catch the positive behaviour and reinforce it. Assume everyone wants to do a good job.

Positive reinforcement must be valued by the performer.

Consequences can be positive or negative, immediate or in the future, certain or uncertain. these factors greatly impact the behaviour.

When leading a team think about creating person profiles for your people. Include the following information:

• What they are working on
• What they are good at.
• Who they have good connections with
• How do they like feedback.
• How they like to be appreciated
• How they learn
• What their values are
• Look at the Gilbert windows above.
• Family status (for small talk and rapport building.)
• Hobbies
• Any known issues
• Major milestone (birthdays, house move, marriage, kids etc )
• Home location and travel issues.

When thinking about feedback styles you can use the STAR method.

• Situation or task – when this happened….
• Action – you did this….
• Result –
• Alternative action – what you could have done was….
• Alternative result – this might result in……

Or. DESC method.

• Describe the problem or issue
• Empathise with them and express how you feel
• Specify what you want to happen
• Consequences positive and negative.

Some reflection techniques.

3W’s

• What went well.
• What didn’t go so well
• What might you do differently next time.

4 F’s

• Focus on facts – what exactly happened and who was involved.
• Focus on self – how do you feel about this, what do you think you did well,
• Effect – what do you think is the knock on to others involved in the process and how might this affect your colleagues
• Future – how will you handle it next time.

STOP/ START/ KEEP

• What do you need to stop doing.
• What do you need to start doing
• What do you need to keep doing.

Busting out of the blame game.

I attended a course by Gail from leaders edge. Very good and very confronting. Some of my notes from the course.

Above the line – see it, own it, do it solve it.

Below the line – they’re wrong, that’s the way it is.

The event + your response = the outcome. Which can be positive or negative depending on where we put ourselves

To Reduce negative neuro chemicals

• Slowing and regulating breathing (look at heart math.org)
• Move
• Pause
• Name what your feeling
• Find something to be grateful for or appreciate.

Ask – what do I want to get out of this? This will identify your success criteria.

Motivation and drivers.

I recently did the management 3.0 course and we did the moving motivators. I subsequently ran this as part of squad kickoff. By seeing what motivates others it will help you communicate things in a ways they will understand.

Other research I have done has said that there are 3 main criteria.

1- needing to achieve

2- Needing to belong

3- Needing to influence (power)

Mapping the motivators to the 3 criteria

Achieve – curiosity, honor, mastery, goal
belong – acceptance , relatedness
influence – power, freedom, order, status.

These can be used when providing feedback. I like this idea as to me this helps you be in the arena with the person. If you understand what drives / motivates them, you can understand why they do things a certain way and you can provide different perspectives.